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How to Save a Sinking Marriage

10/26/08

So, you are dealing with a troubled married life and heading towards a divorce slowly.

Well, I can mention thousand of tips to tell you to what to do and what not but I know that is not going to help for sure. Do you know there are millions and millions of couples around the world dealing with the same problem in their married life? And you know, many of them discuss with their families, friends or trying to look for a solution in some books or on Internet. But let me tell you a very common thing among all, it is not going to work for any of them that easily.

I would like to mention an example of my friend from Mumbai who was having a difficult time in her married life. This girl, Archana was a house wife. Soon after her marriage, she realized that there was absolutely no spice in her life. Her husband would usually come late from office and did not spend much quality time with her even on weekend. Initially, she tried to compromise but soon her frustration came out in other ways. She started spying on her husband thinking that he had an affair and stopped behaving properly with him.

As both of them accumulated conflicts between them, it became almost impossible to convince each other. Their communication about the problem would usually result in only an exchange of hot words between them. They tried seeking help in many ways but none of them worked.

I feel that talking about the marital issues is necessary but it may not always work as what happened in case of Archana. Sometime, there is a large communication gap or so many conflicts in a marriage that it becomes impossible to resolve the problem.

The best way to deal with the situation is find out the root cause of the conflicts. You need to honestly ask yourself if you are giving your partner a good time daily. Do you talk to her softly, care to listen to her even when you are not interested, give her some small gifts often as a token of your love, take her out often, talk about how much you love her or tell her how important he/she is for your life. If nothing works for you, you must observe your married life closely and figure out where the real problem is.

When you figure out the real problem, try to figure how this problem affected your married life. The moment you figure out what the problem was, make a confession. I strongly believe that making a confession to your partner will resolve half of the problem. Forget about what was wrong on your partner’s behalf and make a confession. Exactly what Archana and her husband did. Archana’s husband realized that he was not giving her enough time and confessed the same to her.

Initially, Archana did not admitted that she too was wrong but after seeing her husband’s dedication to save the marriage, she too confessed that she should have behaved properly with him. Both of them resolved the problem with self realization of their own attitude.  

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