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Why Dating Sites Don't Work - Men vs. Women in America

by Pralay

There are many complaints made by people concerning Indian dating sites and although it is not a perfect system: American dating sites are far worse. We will get into why Indian dating sites are far more successful in later articles. For now, we will highlight issues that exist with American dating sites.

Man's Perspective

The above average women get tons of emails and they become what men are...shallow. Many of the women I have dated have to shut off their profiles occasionally just to catch back up.

I think women who have never been married in their 30's and 40's will never be married and never be successful at a relationship. ALL of them I have dated have issues with men, saying the same things:

  • I am independant.
  • I know what I want.
  • I know who I am.
  • I am happy being single.
  • I just want to enjoy life.
  • I am soooo happy!

Gee guys, does this sound familiar? These are all defense mechanisms, an excuse for not being able to have a successful long term relationship.

The really hot ones go on to list all of their demands in a man which makes me want to puke.

So as you can see we men are up against a monster that online dating has created, an environment where the women to men ratio is 1 to 3 and all these women THINK they have a huge pool to choose from when in reality they do not.

The reason they do not is because these contacts are about attraction not whether a match exists or not. I rarely get to a 1st date anymore... why? Cuz I am tired of kissing these women's asses. I usually find out that they have huge issues via an email or two and it never goes anywhere. I don't have the mental time to take these women out and find out they have baggage. And I am damn tired of paying for dinner to find out..

CONCLUSION: "Online dating has made women think they have a huge pool of men to choose from when in reality they do not".

Woman's Perspective

I have been on and off dating sites for about 6 years. I started out by thinking that the default setting is that everyone wants to find someONE. I'm reasonably interesting but still without a partner.

It used to be a social understanding that if you want a person to be there in your life for companionship, an intimate life, etc, you made a reciprocal contract of a relationship. Otherwise, you can't keep someone around (beyond a couple of dates) in the face of not knowing or trusting each other, no exclusivity, no "relationship" of any real meaning.

Now, men doing online dating find out that they can get dates that are really just casual encounters. In spite of putting up a profile that describes all the ways that they would make a great mate, or advertise that they are looking for the ONE, they found that they can get in bed because women want them to like them. A woman knows that if she doesn't put out, she's out of the running.

Some guys even have come to believe (or want to feel less guilty about it) that if they are "honest" about not wanting to settle down with ANYONE they score points. What they are really doing is arranging to have a back door open in case it gets too serious or expectations pop up. In the meantime, "...looking for a woman..." means "just for tonight or as long as I can keep getting it".

It's probably true that men older than 45 usually have a comfortable existence and don't want anything to change -- but I've been meeting men who have been divorced or widowed for a long time, or never married and now in their mid-fifties. Don't you know what you WANT by now?? I have known men who started out thinking that they're looking for a committed relationship, but changed their minds about commitment because it would keep them dating!

So how long do they want to have nothing but encounters? Until they are doddering and need a nurse and THEN they'll be willing to be someone's husband? At the end of their life, they'll be gloating over the notches in their bedposts and reliving their most cunning escapes? I think that they will just be sad, ALONE old men nobody wants or cares about.

Online dating needs to evolve into more honesty and clarity (and it's true...people DO lie in their posts!) Maybe we'll see a site only for people who INTEND to choose when they find the right one, and where there is some sort of consequences for lying to people, harming them, or just wasting their time. In the meantime, online dating is just dating; an end in itself because people tend to settle for the easiest and fastest gratification.

CONCLUSION: "Browse, flirt, contact, meet, get it on, move on to the next. If that's what you want, online dating works great." - Taylor Tian

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