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The Steps of ABCD Friends Hooking Up

by Pralay

Two people known to everybody in the world only as "friends" decide to get married. Despite being rare in the United States as a whole, this is very commonplace to most desis in America.

Here are my thoughts on how these two people with no visible romantic feelings got together.

  1. At a young age, you focused on your career to provide a stable existence for yourself and your future family. Marriage and dating was the last thing on your mind. Instead you had "friends" basically comprising of other desis with the same ambitions as yourself.

  2. Once "stability" is established in your life, family will act as if you should be married right away. As if finding someone was so simple! There is a lot of family pressure to get married. For ABCD girls, it starts when they are 25 and for guys around 28. Since both families know each other, they start discussing the marriage issue between the two of you. You get thoughts in your head and start wondering "What if?".

  3. Then there is the comfort issue. You have no second options so it is either hooking up with your friend whom you have known a long time or being rushed into marriage with someone you have barely met. Or worse, being arranged!

  4. Then comes peer pressure. That's right, all your friends are getting married and hint that the two of you should get married.

  5. The two of you have always had romantic feelings towards each other anyways but never really openly made it clear and you find that this is the perfect time to do so. Once you do so, you find that the feelings are reciprocated.

  6. Then comes the wedding. Congratulations! I hope you invite me ;-)

But as simple as I make it sound, it is not! Many of us harbor feelings for our "friend" but may be too embarrassed or nervous to say so. It can be a scary realization if you were to find out that your friend did not share the same feelings or to see it possibly ruin your friendship.

In the end, it all boils down to communication and a little nudging from your desi family and friends. And if the two of you are pitted to be with each other and share feelings for each other, all it takes is #2 and #3 to get the ball rolling.

Some of you do not have the pleasure of growing up around other desis to even have this as your option. Then you should use online dating / matrimonials sites like Shaadi to help guide you through the way towards blissful marriage.

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